Farmer Wants a Wife recap: Farmer Sam leaves the show... and then there were four

Farmer Wants a Wife recap: Farmer Sam leaves the show... and then there were four

The farmers are reflecting on love, which seems to involve them looking wistfully at their farms.

“You have to risk it to get the biscuit” says Farmer Alex, giving everyone trauma flashbacks of Nick Cummins season of The Bachelor.

Over at Harry’s farm in, he’s getting Stacey and Madison up for an early morning to play on a big tractor? It looks very farmy.

Harry is still wearing those shorts. Are these pub AND farm work shorts? How versatile.

Over at Alex’s farm, he is sulking because Henrietta yelled at him for being useless. Jess thinks this is good because now Alex is scared of Henrietta which she thinks benefits her, but that’s where you want ‘em Jess, that’s where you want ‘em.

Jess also thinks Henrietta would get bored of living on the farm. Jess wants this useless bloke in a dusty farm in the middle of nowhere, damn it! She has her eye on the not-that-great-prize and she’s going for it.

Over on Sam’s farm Emily is… still there? Despite confessing to Sam that she’s not that in to him. Riley is confused about why she is still there seeing as Sam isn’t that into her. It’s all a bit of a mess. Sam is on the phone to his mum.

“I just got off the phone to my mother,” he tells the girls. “She just said my grandfather passed away. He had a massive heart attack.” Talk about awkward timing. Very sad.

Over at Nick’s farm, the girls are still annoyed that Nick failed to send anyone home. Nick is genuinely surprised they haven’t upped and sent themselves home. They all go fishing.

Over at Neil’s farm they are camping, he also still has not sent someone home. Although he really should have sent Megan home because he’s not that into her, but he seems to think this can be overcome.

At Sam’s farm Sophie has decided it’s her time to tell Sam she’s not that into him. Timing girl! Anyway, this means Sam has two girls he likes who doesn’t like him and one girl who he doesn’t like. Sam is very shocked. No one else is.

All the farmers and the girls are getting together for a fancy dinner. But Sam is still in Queensland wondering what to do. Things are not working out with any of the girls.

Anyway. At the get together the girls are swapping notes. “What’s the goss?!” they all ask. Sam’s girls are like “None of us like our farmer and then his grandfather died,” which is a bit of a buzz kill.

The boys are swapping notes. Harry has had a much calmer week than normal. “But you’re the Drama Farmer!” Nick exclaims and honestly, I’m adding Drama Farmer to my LinkedIn profile immediately.

Alex has not has such smooth run.

“You know that saying when it rains, it pours — well it’s flooded and I’ve drowned,” Alex tells the boys.

They are all comparing notes about all their women being angry at them for not sending anyone home and they all agree they can’t understand women. Gosh, why DON’T they all want to live on the farm in some sort of sister-wife situation!

Anyway, Sam turns up at the girls chat and pulls his three girls aside.

He tells them he is pulling out of the show… his hand was a bit forced. So… Sam’s still single, anyone want to head up to a Queensland fruit farm? Anyone? No ‘rona!

Sam and his girls talk about feelings a bit. Blah blah blah. They all go home and try to pretend none of this ever happened.

The rest of the farmers and girls all get together. They raise a toast to Sam.

The whole gang all trot off to dinner.

Justine is sitting next to Neil and lecturing him again, Neil seems to enjoy being lectured at. That’s his vibe.

Nick and Naomi go and have a little quiet flirt.

Henrietta and Alex go and have a chat. Henrietta wants to know why Alex has been distant from her since she yelled at him.

Alex admits he can’t really handle being yelled at (he should take tips from Neil). But he promises to get over it and they cuddle before Jess bursts in and says (and I’m ad libbing here) “I’ll never yell at you while we live in glorious isolation in the middle of nowhere!”

Quite frankly, Henrietta, get out of there, for your own sake.

Neil and Justine are having a chat about how he really likes her but he feels like he needs to invite Megan on the single date because he hasn’t had a one on one with her yet. Meanwhile, Megan is wondering if she’s even that into Neil.

Back with Farmer Alex. He seems a little drunk. Jess asks Farmer Alex what he wants to know about her. He says “umm, can we talk a little bit about your dad?”

“My dad was my bestest friend and then one day he decided to leave,” Jess says. Oh man.

“My biggest fear is that if I had children one day their dad would walk away, like my dad.”Oh geez. More sad parent stuff. Does explain why she wants to live in the middle of nowhere though. Hard to get away.

Harry chooses Stacey for the one on one date. Neil chooses Megan despite neither of them being that into it. Nick chooses Liz. Alex picks Jess. Henrietta is sad but… Queensland dust bowl, Henrietta.