Why was Tim Blair even at Green Left's comedy night?
“What was the Daily Telegraph even doing at an event like that?” a few people asked me after Tim Blair’s scathing review of Green Left Weekly’s September 22 comedy fundraiser was the the subject of his Tele feature column last month.
The answer is simple; Bashing the left. If you can’t make Scomo & Co sound good, bash the opposition.
Don’t worry about it being a fundraiser, organised by volunteers. Tim probably spotted a press release or a pole poster and gave up his Saturday night to go undercover into the mouth of a conservative’s hell.
It would take a brave white hetrosexual middle-aged man to venture into Sydney's inner west to attend a Green Left Weekly comedy show alone – luckily, Tim took a mate. You never know what those unionists are going to do... unless you regularly read the tales of terror in the Tele. But Blair is the courageous hero the sensible right need to hear from.
These Greenies think they know about social injustice. But they don’t. Tim does.
Imagine waiting for a can of Coke. Imagine waiting for your change. Imagine wondering if there would be ice. But, imagine knowing you now have your first four paragraphs written for a major newspaper! Serendipity at last for Tim.
At the start of the night’s entertainment, I heard the opening choir many times sing the slur, “right-wing nut jobs”, which is as offensive as being called a “loopy lefty”. It hurts. Shots fired.
After the Coke can incident, Tim would’ve been riddled with inconvenience, hurt, but otherwise inspired to write a fair and balanced column that should take up half a page. Oh, wait, here comes a Trump impersonator. The crowd is laughing at his opening. Why? Tim isn’t. This is not right!
Oh no, the other acts are women, and even lesbians! Who’s next — Albanese? Relief at last! “Suren Jayemanne”, “Serendipity”, or ... something... who cares (Why can’t he have a WASPy name!), he was Tim’s pick for the night. Tim’s favourite gag was about Suren’s dark skin colour. Don’t worry about the other more relatable stuff.
Boy oh boy, now it’s an Abbott impersonator and he’s talking about the 2014 budget! Sure, there were Scomo and Dutton references, but Tim must’ve missed them. He definitely heard my “I’ll do anything for Rupie (Murdoch)” line. More hurt for Tim.
I brushed on copious bronzer to my face to match the Abbott and Trump complexions. It wasn't enough for Tim. I needed more. I hope Tim comes back next year to enjoy my more relatable act, “Coalface Gollywog”, same time of year, around Mad Monday, when that chic is in peak fashion.
Apparently, Tim is a Collingwood Magpies fan. And like a magpie, had swooped down on the unsuspecting and had a peck at us all that night. I wonder if Tim's friends wear a cycling helmet full of wobbling cable ties, you know, in case he can’t get to a “medicinal rye” in time.
Tim was just doing his job, which is analogous to feeding the endangered exhibits in Jurassic Park. If his tag-along mate didn’t dislike him before, he probably would now – maybe he got him AFL Grand Final tickets to Collingwood’s eventual loss.
Imagine how he reviewed that. He must hate Barnesy and Black Eyed Peas right now!
[Jonas Holt is a comedian and impersonator who performed at Green Left Weekly’s “Laugh While You Still Can” comedy fundraiser at Sydney’s Leichhardt Town Hall on September 22.]