The basic bastard: a type less maligned, but equally annoying
Much has been written of the basic bitch.
Found at her inner city marketing firm office (or out to brunch, if it's the weekend), she is the avocado-eating, yoga-practicing, Instagram-taking, middle class woman who loves breton stripes and Taylor Swift equally.
(Taylor Swift in a breton stripe walking to yoga class? Good vibes only.)
But, while "basic" is an insult well established for women, little has been said of her male counterpart.
Introducing: the basic bastard.
One of the first markers for basic-ness regardless of gender performance is language.
If the basic bastard works full-time, he is on "the grind". And you bet he will celebrate another Friday with "bevs", almost certainly in the company of "the boys".
Like the basic bitch, the basic bastard loves a wellness maxim. Captioning an Instagram pic with "footy, friends, fun" is their "live, laugh, love". As Winston Churchill once said (according to the basic bastard's LinkedIn profile, at least): "Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value."
The basic bastard owns more than one Ralph Lauren polo, and probably a couple of their button-downs, too. Linen shirts, also, are on regular rotation in their wardrobe (although they would never wear one to the office) .They enjoy a beige chino, but are also partial to a dress short. Whichever side of 30 they sit, they wear Vans.
If you were to draw a Venn diagram of clothing items owned by the basic bitch and basic bastard, in its overlap would be: Adidas Stan Smiths and a breton stripe top.
It goes without saying that your basic bastard likes sport. But it's the type of sport that's important. The basic bastard likes rugby and his kind of arty sub-type (maybe he works in advertising consulting instead of just garden variety business consulting) spends the early hours of Sunday watching the A-league on SBS. He is into tennis in January, but really doesn't follow it for the other 11 months of the year.
He owns a protein-shaker, although overwhelmingly just uses it as a water bottle. At the gym, he is big on the rowing machine, because he learnt how to use it when he rowed at high school.
The basic bastard goes to the races twice a year (with "the boys"). A woman he knows took him to see The Shape of Water and he liked it, but his go-to films are of the superhero franchise variety.
To close, there is one strange cultural enjoyment of the basic bastard which should be raised. Basic white men really love Kendrick Lamar.
I do not aim to provide an explanation for this. I'm just presenting it as a fact for us all to ponder.